New Year… Same old me…

The New Year always begins with everyone making resolutions to better themselves in some way. Usually its the typical, “I’m going to lose 20 pounds”, “I’m going to travel more” or “I’m going to remove toxic people from my life”. While those things are all admirable, I think we should be constantly setting goals, adjusting them and removing toxic people from our lives throughout the year – there is absolutely no excuse to wait until New Year to do these things. The arbitrary nature of a calendar year reset and the ultimate failure to meet those resolutions just cause frustration in the long run.

I wish that I could just hit a reset button on my life and my outlook on everything would change and my motivation to be all that I can be would reach an all time high just because the calendar year changed, but it doesn’t work like that for me (and I doubt for anyone else either). Of course, I have goals for this year. Of course I have plans to improve myself and make the moves I need to get sh*t done. I don’t see those as resolutions though. These are things I have been working toward, every day of my life up til now and things I will continue to do long after my 2020 calendar finds its way into the recycle bin.

I will have set backs and I will have days where I isolate myself and wallow for a moment in self pity. I will have days that I look in the mirror and see all my flaws, and all my failures and all the ways the years have not been kind. But I will get up the next day. I will continue to chip away at my long term goals – one day at a time.

So here I am, single – mere months away from hitting the big 4-0 – still healing from the past, still hoping that I’m capable of finding and feeling ‘true love’ again. But hopeful that somewhere out there, someone is doing the same. Hopeful that my “the one” is working toward his personal goals so that when we find each other, we can support each others endeavors and they can become “our” goals. Hopeful that on those days when I’m at my weakest, that he will be my strength and on those days when the world weighs heavy on him, that I can be his.

My 2020 is going to be a year for taking it one day at a time. Chipping away at my own goals and learning to open myself up for the universe to allow this man to see me and all that I am and all that I will be. I will take an active part in seeking what I deserve so that I can recognize it when it comes along. I will take risks and will face my fears.

The earth traveled around the sun again, as it always has and as it will for longer than any of us will be around to see. A month from now, when your willpower wanes, and life makes your resolutions take a back seat to some other important task, just remember – you do not need a calendar to reset. Each day starts the same way – let go of past mistakes and start over then. Keep pushing toward your goals, no matter what they are. One Day at a Time.